I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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