ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
