I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
