I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
