Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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