I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
