I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
