I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
