I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
