saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
