i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
