just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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