Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
