Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've blown a few things in my day
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
