Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
