We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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