I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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