but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
