Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
jump out the window naked night went bad
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