a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I smell stomach acid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How does one acquire holy water?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
