she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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