Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
