Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fill condoms, not promises.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize