we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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