So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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