KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
