We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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