the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
