I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
