new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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