oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
