what day is it and did you see me today?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
