she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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