he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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