you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
