i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
