There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
