but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
