Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
