They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
