My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
