My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
