I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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