Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
