He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize