you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
