Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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