It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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