This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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