dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
