He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
