i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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