K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
