Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
