the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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