Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize