Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
