i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
