I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
