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• (631): View more from New York

  Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key

  (631): View more from New York

  had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  How was last night?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

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• (805): View more from California

  Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  ...oh my god that's like anal suicide

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.

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• (631): View more from New York

  That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"

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