Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
