Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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