I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's the barista slut.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
