I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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