ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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