I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize