How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
